dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
