Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
