We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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