Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
