I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
