The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
