hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
