So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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