yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.