dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.