It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
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A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
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I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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