but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
