Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
