is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
