I can text with my tongue
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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