You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
