they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
