i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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