yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
