Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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