I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
