I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
