who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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