Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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