only if we run a train.
done.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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