I wannas sexs uuuuu
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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