I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
