Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
my poor anus
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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