We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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