I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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