Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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