so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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