I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
