My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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