my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
