Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
