You really coming over, don't trick.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
