I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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