i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
