There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
