I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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