dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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