I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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