I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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