Umm I'm too high to move.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
