I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
