totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
