the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
