He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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