I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
