i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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