the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
