Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
