Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
