i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
