There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
