she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You pole danced in your parka.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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