im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
