I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
