I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
