Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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