Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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