I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize