im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize