So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
